A Covenant Kept

A remarkable realization happened today as I was talking to my mom. She was commenting on how she heard that I sang out strong without crying at Josh's dad's funeral. She knows me well, and has seen me sob through countless songs, unable to hold out any kind of a melody. I made a promise to Spencer (like a prayer) that I would sing out and hold back my tears, because I wanted the songs to be a gift to him. So, I asked him to help me. This is where things got interesting. My Mom told me long ago that when you feel like you want to cry to write check marks on a piece of paper over and over until you're distracted. I've been practicing this over the years and remarkably, it has seemed to help. When the family began to walk into the chapel, I began to write imaginary check marks on my leg with my index finger. This kept the flood of tears from coming. I managed to sing through every song without shedding too many tears, but cried throughout the rest of the service. I was recounting the story to my Mom over the phone (except for the part about the check marks), and she said Spencer must have helped me because she watched him control his emotions during Josh's mission farewell in 1997. She went on to say that she watched him write check marks over and over on a piece of paper. I was absolutely floored and full of EMOTION at this news. I didn't remember that it was he that Mom originally learned this method of relaxation from. I'm still overjoyed at the thought of my late good buddy (Spencer) helping to soothe me through the service. He lives on even in DEATH!!